"I am feeling very deep right now. Life is full of so much. So many decisions. I am frustrated. I have tried to devote myself and my life to the gospel. My mother got sick, I cried with her, I stood tall as she cried on my shoulder. I shuddered in my room as I heard her cry in pain from afar. I stood by the side of my father as we offered unto her countless blessings. I left her. I took my call of duty to service and left. We cried once again. I served, I did what I was supposed to do . She became worse. I left the vineyard to be by her side. We cried together once more. I left again. I left my dying mother to never see her again in this life. I served the Lord and shared the glad message honorably. I returned home to a changed life. To a motherless life. Things are supposed to work. Things are supposed to go well. My sacrifice should be recognized. But is is not. This is wrong. I should be thankful. I should be thankful for my trials. But right now I am not. My life would be better if my mom were here. I would be better. I would not feel so alone. I pray that this attitude will change. I pray that I may be wrothy of the Spirit to touch and change my heart. I pray that I may stand in holy places and be guided. I pray that there will be those along my path that will recognize my life and challenges. I pray for the day that I will see my mom. My precious mother. My angel mother. I miss you so. Words cannot express. There is a hole. It is everywhere. It grows. It is ever-present. She loved me so much in her mortal life. She offered me so much. My life felt so complete. The pain overwhelms me, but I must go on. I know that if I live worthy, the Lord will bless my life. This is the hope that I hold onto. Right now I feel anger, but hope will always ensue."
