Another year behind us.............

I wish I had something poetic to say. As I reflect on the life my mom lived and the time that we have been parted. I am happy and sad. She is an excellent mother I love her with all my heart and I am grateful to have been given such a gift to have a wonderful mom. Having to be parted from eachother has shaken me to my core and I have had to dig deep to find peace and strength. I miss her and I want to be together again, we are getting closer to that time with every year that passes.

Mom's newest grandchild number 11

There have been many events that we have missed having mom here for. It was mom's 60th birthday, Christmas, New Years, many children and grandchildren's birthday parties and the birth of Jenny's baby Evie. Now we are approaching 6 years being without her. It doesn't hurt as bad and I don't think about her all the time like I used to at these events. I know she is a little closer right now and that she escorted little Evie to this grand world.

What is this thing that men call death? This quiet passing in the night? 'Tis not the end but genesis Of better worlds and greater light O God, touch Thou my aching heart And calm my troubled, haunting fears Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure Give strength and peace beyond my tears. There is no death, but only change With recompense for vict'ry won The gift of Him who loved all men The son of God, the Holy one.

Pinktober

October is breast cancer awareness month. Pink is everywhere. Much is discussed and brought to the forefront about what it is to be a survivor of breast cancer. It should be understood that it is not always in one’s hands, the outcome of such a disease. Women with different backgrounds, ages, cultures, and lifestyles are all affected by breast cancer. Many thousands of these women have been lucky enough to get past the disease, while thousands more have had their lives claimed. I think it is important to remember that in this month of pink and breast cancer awareness, all of those who have suffered, regardless of the outcome, should be thought of. Even though my sweet mom is no longer on this Earth, she is my greatest example of health and wellness. My mom lived well. She incorporated exercise and nutrition into her every day. She danced and taught movement to hundreds of young girls. She taught aerobics and impressed many women with her strength and stamina. She gained new passions and taught herself everything there was to know about yoga and Pilates. With that she excelled and was recognized as a gifted teacher and trainer by many. She hated to be inside and lazy. So often, we would go for walks and enjoy the beauty of St. George. And sometimes when it was suggested that we go see a movie she would say, let’s go be outside instead of sitting in a dark theater. When I would come home from school, it would be no surprise to see my mom stretching her leg all the way up on the kitchen counter as she was writing something, or to see her trying out a different yoga pose. I try to live up to her legend by incorporating wellness and fitness into my life, but surely come up short compared to her. Had my mom’s encounter with breast cancer been an actual battle, she would have surely come out triumphant due to her profound strength both physical and mental, as many would attest. But we know that our Heavenly Father had a different plan with her in it at His side. We have faith in that plan and faith in our Heavenly Father that we will be with her again, glorified and well.

It just hurts

Sometimes it just really hurts. Still 5 1/2 years later somedays I just can't believe I have to live without her. I recently watched conference and there was a talk about a man who had lost a son who was a baby at the time. He described some of the feelings he had after the death and about living without his son. He talked about living without the fullness of joy. This is exactly how I feel. It is living without the fullness of joy. I still have joy but its just not at its fullest and I will not experience this until we are reunited and together again. I pray that heavenly father will give me the strength I need to do this. I love this picture of mom and Casey on Halloween!!!!!

I was just having a conversations with Nick who has been able to feel my mom the most of all of us and has told me many things over the years. Nick was only barely three when mom passed. I said... do you ever feel Grandma Chris? He said... ya I feel her a lot and I said ..do you hear her and he said no I feel her in my heart and I said what do you feel and he said I feel a lot of love. And I said how often and he said very often. This made me very happy to know that even if I don't feel my mom as often as I wish my kids are feeling her because they are so pure and innocent and they just let those feelings in. I know my mom is around even though sometimes I let myself get down wondering if she has moved on. These reasurrences are so good for me.

If we constantly focus on the stones in our mortal path, we will almost surely miss the beautiful flower or cool stream provided by a loving Father who outlined our journey.