7 years

As I think back about the anniversary of my mom's passing 7 years ago I think about the things that we were doing. We were taking turns laying with her in the bed. Feeding her, painting her toenails, shaving her legs, combing her hair. Even a bit of laughing because laughing and crying go hand in hand. I miss her so very much. As hard as you fight to keep the memories clear and present they do fade. Time heals nothing, your memories just fade and you get used to your new normal life. My heart still aches as I imagine it always will. We are 7 years closer to being together again and I am looking forward to this so much! I can't wait to see her vibrant smile, her tender blue eyes, hear her voice again, touch her skin, hug and kiss her and talk about anything and everything. I can't wait to see her with the grandkids, seeing how much she loves them. When I see her again I just may not let her go ever.

Memories at this time of year. We are seven years closer to being together again!

Created for greater things

In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike and they will you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see hourses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven.

Grandma

Grandma was not feeling good for about two weeks. I talked to her on the phone and she was telling me she just couldn't get over a bug. They found that she had a uti that went septic. She had a seizure in the hospital where she died for a couple of minutes. She came back and was in the ICU for a while but since she has been awake she can't remember what month It is or where she is. She sometimes gets our names right but not always. I can see a little of her personality there but a lot of it is gone. I love my grandma so much. She has been such a strength and support for me and my family. I have leaned on her and she has supported me through mom's death. She is such a strong lady. I hope and pray she will be here for a long time but only in a condition that she would want to be in. The next few weeks will tell what the future may hold. Grandma said that there's nothing in life as sure as change and that statement is so very true. I miss her, I miss her calling me. We have the best conversations that always end in how much we love eachother and how proud she is of me. I could not have asked for more. A true example of what a grandmother is and should be. Pray hard whoever might be reading this that grandma will come back to us soon.

Grandbaby #12

Delaney Marie Kidman

My Mama's Birthday!

Yesterday was my mom's 61st birthday. I thought about her all day. I wonder if she would be looking different. What would her schedule be now. Would her interests and likes be the same as they were in her 50's. What trips would we be planning. Jenny, Shannon, Casey and I met for some memory sharing and we were able to be more positive and have a few smiles this year. We asked eachother questions to spur memories. What was mom's bedtime routine? We all remembered her putting on Vaseline to remove her eye makeup and having big black circles around her eyes before she would wash it off. She would jiggle her eyes around until I could hear them sloshing. (Question)What was mom's favorite color? (Answer)Red or blue we think. She looked fabulous in blue. (Question)What was mom's favorite time of day? (Answer)Lunchtime. We remember her sitting at the table with a sandwhich, chips, milk and a cookie reading her book. She would usually be sitting in the sunshine basking in the warmth of it. (Question)Favorite tv shows? (Answer)3rd rock from the sun, news in the morning, watching cheers with dad in bed before going to sleep. (Question)Childhood memories? (Answer)Sitting on grandma's lap and not wanting to be anywhere else. (Question)Favorite activity (Answer) walking, aerobics, being active. She was always walking us all over the place. I loved it! This is our 7th birthday without her. I miss her this time of year more than anytime else. My heart still aches. I can't wait to see her again.

Thoughts from the show!

What a fun experience this has been to be featured on The Doctors tv show. It was weird to see ourselves on tv. It was amazing to share my moms story and to see her cute face. Living with death of a family member is like ocean waves, one minute your are doing fine and the next your riding the sadness ocean wave down again. It crashes over you and you have to go through the heartache that is one minute strong and another letting up a bit but always there. I miss her so much. Im glad to have helped bring awareness of the BRCA gene. It may save lives as people get tested and treated before cancer hits. I also believe that everyone has a timeline and that Is determined by heavenly father. When you reach the end there has to be a way for you to exit this life and move on to the next. I know this was true for my mom. I think she had more work to do on the other side and she was called home. I believe cancer is one of the tools that our father uses to bring us home.