Our early family

I love this picture of our early family everyone looks so happy. Some of my favorite memories are of mom with big hair.

Not Gone

I don't feel that my mom is gone. I feel so strongly that she has stepped threw a door in the next room. I know she is close to us, she hears us and knows of our trials and hardships, with her gone. Its so hard to have the faith to see past our pain to something more, we will have the eternities to hug her, to listen to her sweet voice. I will be able to make her laugh for as long as I desire. She is not gone, please don't think this. She is right there, sometimes I sense her like she is next to me looking at me. Telling me my hair is beautiful, or how amazing she thinks I am. She loves us all so much, even more than she did on earth (if that is possible). We will see her soon, we all need to hold strong until that day!!

Thoughts

I was having some deep thoughts today about mom and about life I wanted to share them with you. There are lots of days that I spend the day thinking about what it would be like if mom were here, what would we be talking about, what plans would we be making and what new news would I be sharing with her. These days I feel down because of all the things I feel I don't have...... Life has many more challenges today than it did, this forces me everyday to dig deep and find the peace that seems to not be there, to find the comtentment that is missing. I discovered today that because of this daily search for peace and meaning that I may be more blessed than those without this driving force. I know more, I feel more, I am more. When mom passed I took one step into heaven with her because we are bound by being mother and daughter she is guiding me with all the knowledge that she now has. Today I feel lucky.

Memories of Home

Helping Tara prepare this blog has brought back many memories. Waves of sadness, love, and tenderness have crashed down on my soul, loosing floodgates of tears so often held back in order to strengthen others. Yet, Chris's memory, especially many of my first ones of her, still the tears and bring peace to my soul. I love you Chris! Oh how I wish I had said it more often when she was here; but I know she knew how much. Tears still well up like great reservoirs of regret when I wish I could have been with her at the end. I digress. I do not wish to think of the end - but the beginning. Chris, you hold a special place in my heart. You were truly a mother to me. Coming to visit always felt like coming home.

Since Chris left, I have been blessed to feel her near on a few occassions. During one blessing in particular that I was giving Tara, I not only felt her next to me but I knew her thoughts and felt her feelings. I have never felt anything that spiritual so strong before or since. The spirit overwhelmed me, and I KNEW how much she loves her children. I can say of assurety that she loves her family, that she is aware of your thoughts, your feelings, and your events. I look forward to the day I embrace her again, and hope that I on that day I will make her proud of me for the life I have led. I know it will feel like coming home.

Love - Joe