Mothers Day

Mothers Day is always bitter sweet. The bitter being that I cannot be with my mom and sweet because I am a mom. I try to focus on being a mom now, but I don't think your ever ready to not have your mom. The feelings that come to me are an extreme longing to see her be with her or talk with her. There is also a bit of enviousness of others buying gifts and flowers to give to their mothers.

My mom has such a sweet smile I think I miss that the most. Until we meet again mom. I love you.

Mom's 10th Grandchild

About two months before mom passed away, me Jenny Shannon and Casey were sitting on moms bed with her. She new she was leaving and asked us all if we had any questions. Jenny was about 5 months pregnant at the time and I remember her response to mom the best. She was crying, she asked mom if she would be there when her baby was born. Mom looked at her and said "I'll hand her to you" we were all crying. I know mom hands us these new precious spirits after she gives them there last advice and love. The veil is very thin when babies come into the world and we feel mom's presence. This is the 4th baby that has come into our family without our mom but we feel blessed that she is with them before they arrive and I'm sure that they bring a little piece of her with them.
Introducing Carlee. We love her already.

March 12 came and went

My sweet mom left us at 5 pm on March 12 2007. I never like to make this day anything special or remember it in any way, however the feelings bubble up to the surface even if I don't want them to. I think about what we were doing and feeling. Its unimaginable the things we had to see and hear. We all have to pass through this thing called death, we will all have to experience it. I was glad to be there with my mom holding her hand as she transitioned to her new world. I just miss her and miss the life we could have been having right now. Moving on is a tough concept, this has changed every relationship that I have ever had. I never imagined that there would be people who knew mom who would stop communicating with us after she was gone. But they have, when that link is gone the relationships are gone. Its all very hard. Three years since I have heard her voice or touched her hand or kissed her cheek. I can still remember everything so clearly. I love and miss you mom.

Faith

Unanswered yet? that prayer your lips have pleaded?
In agony of heart these many years?
Does faith begin to fail; is hope departing,
And think you all in vain those falling tears?
Say not the Father has not heard your prayer;
You shall have your desire sometime,somewhere.

Unanswered Yet? Though when you first presented
This one petition at the Father's throne
It seemed you could not wait the time of asking,
So urgent was your heart to make it known.
Though years have passed since then, do not despair;
The Lord will answer you sometime, somewhere.

Unanswered yet? Nay, do not say ungranted;
Perhaps your own part is not yet whooly done,
The work began when first your prayer was uttered.
And God will finsih what he has begun.
If you will keep the incense burning there,
His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere.

Un answered yet? Faith cannot be unasnwered;
Her feet were firmly planted on the Rock;
Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,
Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock
She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,
And cries "It shall be done," sometime, somewhere.
-Ophelia G Adams

Christine, Mom, Grandma, Daughter, sister and wife

If all the skies were sunshine
Our faces would be fain
To feel once more upon them
The cooling splash of rain.
If all the world were music,
Our hearts would often long
For one sweet strain of silence,
To break the endless song.
If life were always merry,
Our souls would seek relief,
And rest from weary laughter
In the quiet arms of grief.
--Henry Van Dyke--

The Things Mom would love

We all recently went to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour!! Its so amazing. Nothing makes me happier than to watch dance...and dance myself of course which seems to be only in my fantasies these days. My siblings are so supportive of me, every year they pay a lot of money to come to these shows with me and I think they really do it more for me than themselves. Tara, Jenny, and Casey thank you so much for supporting me in something that means so much and makes me so happy. Dancing makes me think of mom. Its the connection only she and I have and it runs so deep. Whenever it came to dancing our souls connected. I miss that. She would love going to these with us. Like me I think nothing made her happier than the expression of dance~! I love you mom. I will always be your little dancer.

Shannybabe

Another day I dread. I hate to say that because it is my mom's birthday. How can I say that about my moms birthday. The tears started yesterday and continued through today. Jason asked me what I wanted to do today and all I truly wanted to do was get in bed and pull the covers over my head. But when you are mom you never get to do that. So I got up and pushed through the morning. Our hospice nurse Larri became much more than just a nurse to me. She is the only person who saw what we went through and she herself lost her own son when he was 9 years old. Her son Trevor's birthday is tomorrow (the day after my moms). Since I cannot go to St. George to visit my mom's grave I go to Trevor's and visit his and Nurse Larri goes mom's. This year my grandparents (the best in the world) and Jenny came with me to the cemetery and we left balloons on Trevor's grave. I truly feel in my heart I know Trevor and when I see my mom I will see Trevor as well and know him. I feel he's an amazing person! I also have a tradition of buying balloons for each member of my family so each of us get to write a message on the balloon for mom and let it go outside. I want my children to know my mom and know their grandma Chris. We talk to Carter all the time about Grandma Chris. He says all the time she is in Heaven with Jesus and every time I hear the words they penetrate my soul. It is my mission to always know her as if she were here with me and to teach my children of her so they know her as well as they ever could. Another day, another year. I love you mom with all my heart and miss you beyond description. Happy happy Birthday!
Love Your
Shanny Babe