I miss mom so much at this time of year. I find myself having to really dig deep everyday to find happiness and contentment. I have a great life I'm very blessed but there is one thing missing and its my mom. Its hard to be truely happy without her. Her birthday is next week and thanksgiving, I was never without her on the holidays.

Another Fall..

It seems that in every time of year and in every new season, memories and feelings of my mom are always associated. The way in which I miss my mom, the way in which I long to see her never changes. But when fall rolls around every year, these feelings become especially poignant. I have many fond memories of fall with my mom. I remember in St. George when I was in high school both of us had busy schedules, but quite often before my swim practices we would be home together for a short time in which we would sit outside in the sun and just soak in the beautiful fall weather. I remember the fall before I left for my mission. We spent so much quality time together. I reflect with sweet memories of that fall when I spent so much time with my mom. One of my best memories occurred in that same fall, the end of September four years ago. I went through the temple for the first time and what a wonderful time it was. The Spirit was very strong and I felt tremendous love for all of my family that day. I will never forget my mom on that special day. I remember seeing her dressed all in white, simply radiating. I remember the tears that were in her eyes as she said to me, "This is what it's going to be like" as we entered the gorgeous room in the temple. I hold very close to this memory that occurred four years ago. I long for the day in which I will see her radiating and beautiful in white once again.

My Mom's Beauty

One of the many things that I miss about my mom is her profound beauty. I think anyone would agree that my mom had unparalleled beauty, grace, and style. I loved going places with my mom because of how pretty she always looked. I can’t remember her ever leaving the house without at least freshening up a bit in the bathroom. My mom wasn’t superficial; she just always liked looking her best for others. Recently my sisters and I received a great gift from a dear family friend. For about a year she took my mom’s clothes and made them into a quilt, personalized to each of us with articles of clothing that meant something to us. Sometimes I feel like I am forgetting the details of my mom, but in the occasions where I see her clothing; I remember exactly the moment in which she wore those pair of jeans. And exactly the way she looked in that shirt. A remarkable attribution to my mom is the way that her children adore her. I think there are few children that can remember to such a degree the way in which our mom’s lotion smelled, the clothes that she wore on certain occasions, the way she laughed, the way she would scream when Jenny would hug her and lift her up and countless other occasions of which we reflect upon often. What I am thankful for is that my mom’s spirit is ever-present. I am thankful that my mother’s beauty has transcended through to my beautiful sisters as well as their children. In the way that they raise their children, I know it is from my mom’s example that they do so. So often when they teach and talk to my nieces and nephews, I can hear my mom saying the same thing. I am thankful that we have all attained the fabulous social skills that were shown and taught to us by our mom as she would selflessly ask others about their lives and endeavors. I marvel at the similarities in the mannerisms when I see Susan and Barbara. I see and hear my mom every time I am with them. As I watch my sweet Grandparents, I understand how my mom was so great in this life because of their abundance of love and caring for all those around them. Through the power of the Holy Ghost my mom has worked through her children in order to help the other in a struggling time. Never have a felt so strongly that my mom loves her family and tries so hard so that we may always remember that. How I miss her so. How I love her so. But I know that through the tender mercies of the Lord, her beauty will always be around me to bear me up.

Memorial Day

This is from memorial day 2010 We all went to St George. I got a picture of my dad at the grave his face it a total reflection of how he is really feeling. Its the look of pain and agony. I miss her and I still can't believ it sometimes.

Mothers Day

Mothers Day is always bitter sweet. The bitter being that I cannot be with my mom and sweet because I am a mom. I try to focus on being a mom now, but I don't think your ever ready to not have your mom. The feelings that come to me are an extreme longing to see her be with her or talk with her. There is also a bit of enviousness of others buying gifts and flowers to give to their mothers.

My mom has such a sweet smile I think I miss that the most. Until we meet again mom. I love you.

Mom's 10th Grandchild

About two months before mom passed away, me Jenny Shannon and Casey were sitting on moms bed with her. She new she was leaving and asked us all if we had any questions. Jenny was about 5 months pregnant at the time and I remember her response to mom the best. She was crying, she asked mom if she would be there when her baby was born. Mom looked at her and said "I'll hand her to you" we were all crying. I know mom hands us these new precious spirits after she gives them there last advice and love. The veil is very thin when babies come into the world and we feel mom's presence. This is the 4th baby that has come into our family without our mom but we feel blessed that she is with them before they arrive and I'm sure that they bring a little piece of her with them.
Introducing Carlee. We love her already.

March 12 came and went

My sweet mom left us at 5 pm on March 12 2007. I never like to make this day anything special or remember it in any way, however the feelings bubble up to the surface even if I don't want them to. I think about what we were doing and feeling. Its unimaginable the things we had to see and hear. We all have to pass through this thing called death, we will all have to experience it. I was glad to be there with my mom holding her hand as she transitioned to her new world. I just miss her and miss the life we could have been having right now. Moving on is a tough concept, this has changed every relationship that I have ever had. I never imagined that there would be people who knew mom who would stop communicating with us after she was gone. But they have, when that link is gone the relationships are gone. Its all very hard. Three years since I have heard her voice or touched her hand or kissed her cheek. I can still remember everything so clearly. I love and miss you mom.

Faith

Unanswered yet? that prayer your lips have pleaded?
In agony of heart these many years?
Does faith begin to fail; is hope departing,
And think you all in vain those falling tears?
Say not the Father has not heard your prayer;
You shall have your desire sometime,somewhere.

Unanswered Yet? Though when you first presented
This one petition at the Father's throne
It seemed you could not wait the time of asking,
So urgent was your heart to make it known.
Though years have passed since then, do not despair;
The Lord will answer you sometime, somewhere.

Unanswered yet? Nay, do not say ungranted;
Perhaps your own part is not yet whooly done,
The work began when first your prayer was uttered.
And God will finsih what he has begun.
If you will keep the incense burning there,
His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere.

Un answered yet? Faith cannot be unasnwered;
Her feet were firmly planted on the Rock;
Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,
Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock
She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,
And cries "It shall be done," sometime, somewhere.
-Ophelia G Adams

Christine, Mom, Grandma, Daughter, sister and wife

If all the skies were sunshine
Our faces would be fain
To feel once more upon them
The cooling splash of rain.
If all the world were music,
Our hearts would often long
For one sweet strain of silence,
To break the endless song.
If life were always merry,
Our souls would seek relief,
And rest from weary laughter
In the quiet arms of grief.
--Henry Van Dyke--